Funny

15 months old

If Keller is not playing in the toilet,
he's probably emptying the garbage,
one item at a time
onto the floor.
If he's not in the garbage,
you better check Riley's dog bowls,
because chances are they are emptied
and there is a lake of water and kibble
that Keller will slip in,
and then cry like it's a total surprise there was water there.
And if the dog bowls are not empty,
you ought to check for floating toys, toothbrushes, or trinkets
in the Water dish.
If there are floating surprises there,
consider yourself lucky,
you might not have to check the toilet.
Because if you find that Keller's been spending his free time in the bathroom,
you are in for some fun discoveries.

Happy pictures to cheer me up

It's snowing.

Keller's probably teething cuz he won't sleep.

I'm sick sick sick--and so sick of it.

Today I am 8 weeks along, which is when I had my miscarriage in 2007.  So my nausea is a good sign that I am still pregnant.  We get to hear the heartbeat next week and then it will seem more real, hopefully.  It's just so tough around here when the kids can't really go outside.  Or they do go outside and the mud comes inside afterward.  I'm dreaming of sunshine and health and happiness.  Trying to hang on.

Blustery night

Listening to the hurricane-force-winds and craving banana bread.  Wasn't sure exactly when or how to announce this, but whatever: I'm pregnant!  I'm trying really hard to focus on a beautiful baby girl (we're hoping) that will arrive in December, instead of dwelling on the nausea I feel 24 hours a day.  Do it with me - - - see the cute little face and pink blanket around her tiny little body... :)  Makes me smile.  But I could sure use some banana bread right now.

Thinking pains

Someone told me today (ok, it was my therapist) that it doesn't matter what other people think.  If I enjoy photography and writing, if those things make me happy, then that's all that matters.

My brain totally rejects this idea.  I don't want to be one of those losers on American Idol who think they can sing, while all of America is laughing at them from their living rooms.  I don't want to be delusional like that.  If I suck, I'd rather know so I can give up and find something else.

Really?  No.  I love to write.  And I love to take pictures.  Does it matter where I land on the talent scale?  If I was the crappiest in the world, but it brought me joy and peace, shouldn't I still do it?  Apparently.

This hurts my head, majorly.

My backyard looks like a wet disaster

It's not even 9:00 yet and I am already shaking my fist at this day.  Not a good sign. So I have to reset my brain and begin again.

I started to re-read a parenting book last night; maybe this time it'll stick.  It's called Common Sense Parenting of Toddlers and Preschoolers.  I've never finished it, so I can't recommend it; but chapter one was super enlightening this time around.  It was all about expectations.  I took a minute to determine what I really expect from my children.

I expect Taesya to:
Dress herself and put her dirty clothes in the hamper
Brush her hair
Brush her teeth
Clear her dishes into the sink
Buckle her seatbelt
Pour a drink for herself
Use fork, spoon, napkin
Make her bed
Play independently sometimes
Speak kindly

I expect Canon to:
Dress himself and put his dirty clothes in the hamper
Brush his teeth with help
Make his bed with help
Clear his dishes
Play independently sometimes
Use fork, spoon, napkin
Get into his carseat and buckle the top buckle
Speak kindly

I expect Keller to:
Begin to keep his food on the table
Drink out of a cup
Stay out of the dog's food/water
Stay in one place for diaper and clothing changes

I'm supposed to make sure that I have communicated my expectations to my children.  They should understand them, be able to describe them to me in their own words.  And also I am supposed to lead by example.  If I'm not getting myself ready in the morning, why would the kids think they should?  Mom is showing them that we should get dressed and cleaned up at the last minute.  So I have to adjust my habits and they will notice.

This week, we are going to work on expectations.  What do I expect of my children and what do they expect of me.  I realize my children expect me to be a lot more prepared than I actually am.  And if I lived up to their expectations, I believe things would be smoother.

I have a friend coming over in twenty minutes, so I better get myself dressed.  I have reset my brain, for now at least.

Oh dear

Breathe.
Focus on one thing at a time.
Don't freak out.
Ho-ly cow.
It's all gunna be ok.

Don't worry, it's just the usual stuff.  But this week I am struggling to wrap my brain around all that there is to do.  I need to chunk it down, work step by step.  How do you keep from feeling overwhelmed?

Call for Entries

Hey, it's me.  Thanks for visiting and for taking a minute to read my ramblings.  I started blogging because my older brother told me I would like it; I do.  But some days I wonder who's really reading what I say, and why I'm even doing this.

I go through phases where I'm just bursting with stories and insights; I have tons of fun pictures at my fingertips--but other times I experience a major dry spell.

Google Analytics says you're out there, but today I need more.  I need a hello.  Can I trouble you for a comment?  Just a short one.  I need to know that my thoughts have mattered, that a photo has made you smile; just a little shout out would do me some good.  Thank you in advance.

Damage Control

I fell asleep on the couch and Ben left for a meeting.  I woke up to a muddy toddler in my face.

Ran to kitchen,
mud everywhere,
dog and child prints.
Undressed the toddler
put him in the shower with toys.
Told myself to breathe,
not get mad.
Two other kids enter
with muddiness.
All three put into the shower.
Pile of muddy clothes in the hamper.
Wiped down the muddy dog,
he really wants to lick my face
Hot water runs out
Whining kids each toweled and dressed.
Three kids plopped in front of tv.
With string cheese.
Dog wants to be petted.
I eat string cheese.
Wipe up a little bit of muddy evidence.
Floor is still a mess.

Missing the couch.  I don't even want to know what the backyard looks like.

P.S. Snow is Crummy

Things are a'changing around here.  The kids are growing up so much and I'm having to adjust my idea of daily life.  Figure out new ideas and new goals.  Ben and I are having talks about what we want out of life and where we want to be in 5 years.  Maybe it's the Spring Cleaning idea; we have this drive to begin anew, to jumpstart our old ways.  

We're going to improve our home one project/piece of furniture at a time.  Slowly turning it into a more pleasant place to live.  Ben's office is going to move into another room as soon as we figure out Wifi, and then he will have a door to close.  (He is quite excited about that idea.)

I am resolved to sit down and play with my children each day.  Yesterday I colored with Tae and Canon; we had a great time.  Taesya drew a snowman, Canon drew a "shooter" - Canon even wrote an S, two N's, and an O.  It felt nice to just play for once.  

It's good for Ben and I to re-establish the path that we want to be on.  Life gets going and we sort of end up wandering.  But now the team is recommitted, our uniforms are cleaned and pressed, we've planned the line-up, and it's going to be a great season.  Batter up!