Shamelessly Proud

I know it's bragging and some people might find it annoying... but my daughter is an adorable genius, and that's really all there is to it.  I love that she's confident and she's so into reading; Ben and I are amazed on a daily basis by these children.  Tae is rocking Kindergarten -- and that is an adorable giraffe.

Tae got to feed bread to a real giraffe.

October's Close

Canon turned four this week.  Rather than guilt myself into writing an entire post about my son, I would just like to mention that Canon is really great.  He's the toughest boy I know with the softest heart.  I'm glad he's mine.

Also, I am going to have an awesome day with my witch, ghost, cowboy, and marshmallow.  Oh, and my good friend Chocolate.  :)

Vampire Cowboy?

Trick or Treating at Benny's Office

Car Quotes

1.  As usual, we were in the car, and Canon was telling Keller how to write a letter O.  "Over, around, and close," he told him.  But when Keller tried to repeat it back, incorrectly, Canon got frustrated.  "You ruined my appetitie, Keller!"

2.  Dancing and Singing in the car, the kids really like Enrique Iglesias' "Baby, I like it."  They were all jamming out.  Then "Tonight's Gunna Be a Good Night" by The Black Eyed Peas came on.  I could hear Tae singing.  Then she really got into Fergie's solo and exclaimed, "Oh yeah, girl!"  I laughed out loud.

My kids must say funny things at home, but I never remember them to tell other people.

Side Note:

Can I just say that formatting in Blogger makes me want to pull my hair out!  The post I just added appears in my "Compose" window to be all Times font, normal size; but that's not what appears when I publish.  Ben says Wordpress is better and he has plans to design me a custom site (since I am technically married to a web designer) but I worry that blogging will always be a formatting headache for me.

Pictures, too.  The three pictures of my kids appeared in one horizontal line before I published.  Sigh.  Does anyone else have these troubles?  Or am I just too picky?

The Early Bird

This morning, I am choosing to blog.  It wasn't a tough choice, since sleeping was becoming impossibly painful, and my prenatal yoga DVD is lost.  So, good morning!  I am pleased to report that there is no snow on the grass, unlike yesterday.  When Ben informed me of that unfortunate precipitation, my heart fell.  Fall just can't be leaving me that fast.  

But my boys were excited.  And I dutifully bundled them and sent them out to explore.  Lacy, as well, seemed super curious about this new wet stuff in our yard.

 

By the afternoon, the sunshine was back and the sidewalks were dry.  I got to enjoy a little more autumn loveliness as I picked up my kiddos from school.  Speaking of kiddos:

It feels like Keller and I are always in the car lately.  We make a lot of trips to the elementary school for drop-offs and pick-ups.  It's gotten so I just smoosh the two older kids names together now and tell Keller, "Let's go in the car to get TaeCanon (or CanTaesya.)"  "Go Car," he says, "CanTaesya school."  He and I are always always together.  So it's a nice change when he has a happy day, rather than a crying/tired day.  When he's not throwing a tantrum, that little boy can sure be cute.

It's good for me to take pictures of the smiley moments in life.  When I post these images, I remember how much I love my kids.  I forget about being oh so very pregnant, for a little while.  The happy times in motherhood can sometimes be few and far between, but if you look, you'll see that they are there.  I have photographic evidence.

Still a half an hour till the fam wakes up.  I was thinking of reading about the pre-existence today.  Hope your day is great, or that you find at least a moment of greatness to hang on to.

Lovely song about Love

"Marry Me" by Train

Makes me happy and smiley about that guy, Benjamin.  

And then HE said...

1.  Driving in the car, where most interesting conversations happen, "Dad wears glasses so he can see.  When he takes off his glasses, everything turns invisible."

2.  Canon points his Nerf ball-gun at his brother, "Try to kill me, Keller."  Very boy.

3.  Keller is playing quiety, and then I hear, "Buckle up for safety, buckle up."  Glad to know he's listening when we get into the car each day.

Tender mercies

Tonight I wanted to do a little scrapbooking of Jovie's ultrasound photos.  Ben and I watched an episode of Chuck on hulu while I worked.  I did ok for a little while, but then my back felt the all-too-familiar pain of sitting in a chair.  Lately it seems that I can't sit, stand, or walk without pain and discomfort of many kinds.

It frustrated me that I am capable of so little, physically, right now.  I can't bend down to take good photos of my kids, I can't walk around Target and enjoy shopping, I can't sit in a chair without crying inwardly about the ache in my back.  It's really hard for me that I can't do these things; I miss having a body that is functional in the ways that I am used to.

I'm down to one pair of pajama pants that still fit me.  The second to last pair ripped right down the middle, which always makes you feel super attractive and good about yourself.  So my only remaining pair is in the wash with muddy dog prints on it/them (not sure.)

So I was sitting on the couch, crying about my physical limits, and wishing I had pajamas to wear.  A thought popped into my head to try on some of Ben's.  He has this one pair of pj pants that someone gave him for Christmas years and years ago, a bajillion sizes too big, but we never got rid of --- I pulled them out and as I put them on you could almost hear the angels singing.  I have a brand new pair of flannel pajama pants to wear tonight and the phrase that comes to mind is "tender mercies."

I'm reminded that although my body is not excelling in a lot of areas, it is doing something amazing right now.  It is a functional and good body.  While I feel this pain and ache and exhaustion, a tiny new body is being formed.  I guess that I'm giving up my ability to walk in comfort so that Jovie can have the ability to run someday.  My body is doing great.  I'm grateful for what it can do.

Heavenly Father is mindful of us.  He cares about our lives and even small things like whether or not we have pajamas to sleep in.  I feel super blessed tonight.

Am I growing?

These two pictures are a month apart.  Do I look one month closer to holding my baby girl?  

Taesya's Kindergarten teacher, who I see every single day, didn't realize I was pregnant until Taesya told her last week.  Granted, the lady's a little busy... but I'm pretty sure anyone who looks at me... Don't you think?

We took a tour of the hospital we will be delivering at.  And I made some lists and plans; I called to pre-register for the birth.  I actually feel a lot better about things this week.  I'm not as nervous about Jovie coming.  I can see a baby at the end of all this--a really pretty one.

Darndest

Taeysa, in the tub, as her bathwater is getting cold: "Umm, Dad, we have a situation here."

Tae and Cano in the Paper Today

Read the article Here.

Beauty all around

Things that make my heart melt into a big puddle of goo:

1.  That look my dog gives me through the fence, as I drive away and leave her at home.  "I love you," I say, "I'll be back."

Cutey Lacey

2.  My children's adorable sleeping faces.  And the interesting positions they sleep in; Taesya has always been one for hanging halfway off the bed, while Keller prefers to stick his butt in the air.

Keller at the Peck reunion.

3.  Sweaters and tiny corduroy dresses at Old Navy in fall colors.  Just imaging my new little daughter all snug in comfy clothes makes me very joyful.

I bought this dress for Jovie.

My Mom borrowed my Keller for the day and I was so glad.  What does a young mother do when her youngest is missing?  She does her hair and makeup!  I actually took the time to make myself look nice and boy oh boy, I felt pretty as I dropped my son off at Pre-K.  One question, though, for all you regular make-up wearers out there: do you just learn to never touch your face during the day, or what?  I go to rub my eyes or something and then say, "Dang it, I forgot I had make-up on."  Is there some magical way to rub your eyes or scratch your face that I need to learn?  I know I sound silly, but I'm really quite a novice at the make-up thing.

I filled up my van's gas tank yesterday and I realized something quirky about myself.  For once I actually filled the tank up to Full, which sounds like the normal thing to do, I know.  But I guess I usually stop it early, because it's hot outside, or the gas is pumping slow, or I don't have that much money in my budget.  So I got back into my car and started driving to the grocery store with my childrens.  I glanced at my gas gauge and it bugged me a little.  Why?  It was on Full.  Like all the way Full.  "Why does that bug me?" I pondered.  "Am I a weirdo or something?"  

Minutes later, I decided it's a cash flow thing.  When that amount of gas is sitting in my car, I no longer have access to that money.  I can't decide to spend $20 of that on something else that I might need more.  A Full gas tank feels like I'm driving around with a car full of money, money that's stuck and I can't get.  

Sounds totally strange.  I don't drive a lot, really, as far as distance goes.  So I can make a third of a tank last a week usually.  And if I need milk or bread, I'd rather that money be in my checking account, rather than my gas tank.  I'm quirky, so sue me.

Ben is quirky, too.  He has a pillow, but he doesn't sleep on it.  I've been awake often at night and I shake my head as I see his pillow propped up against the headboard, with him flat on his stomach or back, arms spread wide at his sides.  "Why do you have a pillow?" I wonder to him.

This has been kind of longish.  Hope I didn't bore you too much.  It's been a good day.  If you want to comment and share something that makes your heart melt into a big puddle, I would love to hear.  

Loudy loudness

I need to blog, but I am hesitant to do so.  Why?  Because life is full of crying and it's wearing on me.  So if you don't want to hear about small people who cry at me, please discontinue reading.

I spend the majority of my day with my two little boys and they seem to be constantly unhappy with the job I am doing as a mother.  Canon, thankfully, has only one real source of complaint: he is always hungry.  So our relationship consists of, "Mom, can I have something?" and "No, Canon, you just had breakfast."  Then the "crying" ensues.  It's phony, whiney crying.  I don't like it.

I can't really put my finger on Keller's reasons for grief; there are so many.  It's a tough phase of life, I've been told, because he's learning to communicate and is struggling when he can't find the words he needs.  Most things are out of his control and that makes him upset.  But truly, Keller cries 70% of each day.  He cries because he's constantly bumping into things as he runs to and fro; he cries because his older siblings exclude and pick on him; and he cries because Mom just doesn't understand what he needs right when he needs it.

It's difficult to feel successful and happy right now.  Because every time I turn around, someone is giving me a bad review.  I wish I didn't care so much, was impervious to their critiques -- my skin is not thick enough for this job some days.

Weeks like these make me really grateful for my dog.  It's nice that if she's fed and has had a walk, she is quiet and content with life.  Good girl, Lace.