Take-home treasures

In Relief Society, we studied a talk by Elder Holland called "Safety for the Soul."  I was impressed that in the same way we cannot rely on another person's food storage during an emergency, we also cannot lean on someone else's testimony when the end comes.  (The parable of the 10 Virgins came to mind.)  I have to build up my own spiritual supply so that in the last days, my heart will not fail me.  I need to


"Come unto Christ, and be perfected in him."  


Moroni 10:32 is going to be the theme for my week.  When all the yadda seems like it's making my head spin around, I want to think of my Savior.  He knows me and has faith that I can do good in this world.  I will come unto Him, and become stronger and stronger.  Church is difficult at this phase in my life, but today I came home with a pearl.  I'm so glad.

Breaking up is Hard to Do

Sweetie,

This is really hard for me, because you know how much I like you.  And I don't want you to think you did anything wrong.  I love seeing you on special occasions, and on a date now and then, but this live-in situation is just not what's best for either of us.  I lose track of my goals when you're here, and I'm disappointed in myself.  I can't have this anymore.  We have to break up.

You're wonderful; you really are.  And I want you to know that I still want us to be friends.  But it'll be best for the both of us if you find another freezer.  I really hope you understand.  You're the best.

Wishing you happiness and whipped cream,
Amber

Looking for Victorian Boots

I think these boots are so cute.  I'm supposed to get something like this for the Secret Garden, but much much cheaper.  The trick is finding them.  These are about $150, and I found another pair for $50.  But I'm looking for $20 or less.  What are the odds that DI will have Victorian looking boots?

It's a sunshine Da-a-ay!

Ooh, I feel like I got a lot done today and I'm glad.  I did a whole bunch of dishes, laundry, bathed my baby.... It must be the sunshine, because suddenly I have the energy to accomplish more.  I even put on makeup today.  And the kids played in the backyard all by themselves!  Things are going great.  :)

Won't you come, too?

I am in a play!  Come and see!

Like a Big Band-aid

I spent the afternoon at my momma's (Has anyone ever noticed how people generally call it their "mom's house" even though both parents live there and own it?) and I feel sooo much better than I did 5 hours ago.  The kids got to play with grandma and grandpa, whom they adore, and I got to breathe and sleep, in my parents super-clean and nice bedroom.  And now I like my kids again, I'm not angry, I am chilled.  Thank you so much to my wonderful family for understanding that some days are impossible without help.  Oh thank you, thank you.

The radio is talking to me

"Watchin' my heart break a little bit more..."  The past two weeks when I am driving home from Group Therapy, I have heard this line in a song by Mat Kearney.  It totally fits Group.

(For those of you who didn't know this, I attend therapy on a weekly basis with other women who deal with depression and anxiety issues.  It sounds weird, but it's been really good for me.)

What I learned today, and which applies to the lyrics in that song, is that sometimes we have to break down what existed in order to build something better.  Kind of like building a muscle, or fixing a bone that has grown crooked.  Today's group was the painful, breaking-down part = lots of emotion.  And I didn't like it.

I'm working on becoming better and happier, but things are kind of tough on the road to that goal.  It does feel like my heart is breaking.  But I think (now, while I'm typing, but not while I was sitting there blubbering) that it's going to turn out good in the end.  (Hopefully sooner than "the end," actually.)  Growth is tough; don't you think?

My abs are super sore from working out yesterday, almost to the point that I feel nauseous.  But I put my hands on my tummy and know that those muscles will be stronger soon.  My emotional muscles are just sore from the work out; and think how good looking my emotional self will be after all this work.  (Insert flirty whistle here.)

Needed this

I was given a whole bunch of books from my mom, ones that I had liked as a kid.  There were bookmarks and pieces of paper tucked into some of them.  I came across a quote, probably given to me in Young Women's once; you know how they're always giving us cut-out quotes to encourage participation.  Anyways, this quote from whenever applies directly to my life today.  Things just fall together sometimes...

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.  It is not just in some; it is in everyone.  And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Nelson Mandella quoting Marianne Williamson in his 1994 Inaugural Speech

Exploring my Interests

I wrote another review.  This play was basically the opposite of Jack and The Beanstalk, so it was difficult to review.  But I did my best.  Read my review here.

Photo Booth is our New Favorite Toy

Just some good times with two of my best friends.

"Playin' is Awesome. Awesome a bawsome."

(Tae is singing this as I type...)

I was laying on the couch with a headache.  Canon was making robot sounds which had something to do with flicking his tongue really fast between his teeth; it's like rolling your R's in spanish.  I couldn't duplicate the sound and neither could Tae, but Ben picked it up pretty quick.  It kind of sounded like when a mechanic is tightening the bolts on your tires.

This sound became the beginning of a giant wrestling match.  Ben would karate chop, and tickle, and flip the kids, all while making the "robot sound." It was madness.  Keller came over to observe the craziness, gave a little yell and held out his hand to ask for a snack.  Then he sat quietly and sucked on a ripe green pear while the kids giggled, screamed, and rolled all over Ben.  I think it was the contrast that struck me; seriously little Keller looked on with a pear sticking half-way out of his mouth....

So I laid on the couch and laughed, with my head still sore.  My family is great.  And y'know, today hasn't really even been a good day.  But in that window of time, I couldn't have asked for anything more.  That was just what I want out of life; I have everything I need.

Happy Valentine's Day

The Builders of our Nation

"Look, Mom, it's the Church of Latter-day Saints."

Why I do what I do

Ben's at a meeting with a client; he has our only vehicle.  So I guess that means I get to wake up Keller, load up the wagon, and walk to Taesya's school.  :(  It's not that bad, but I'm just not in the mood today.  One car takes a lot more thought than two.

Earlier, when I dropped Tae off, I watched her sitting on the preschool's little rug.  She was putting together a puzzle with one of her friends.  She was so excited to be back at school, since she missed so many days from being sick.  I'm glad that Taesya enjoys school; she really lights up in that place.

I'm not really a fan of laundry, dishes, cooking, loading up kids in car seats -- But I do these things.  Why?  I do it cuz I love my kids, I love my Ben and my Father in Heaven.  I made a commitment that I would care for my children and our home.  But I really can't get through all the tasks simply by thinking that I have to; I need to look to my true motivation.  So I will walk to Taesya's school, knowing that she'll be so happy to see me and the boys there.  I'll pay the bills and make the food and do what I gotta do.  Because I love them.  :)  And all those little jobs will help them to know that I do.

Exploring my Interests

I wrote a review of a play.  Check it out on the Utah Theater Blogger's Association Website.  Fun!

1000 words

(K, only 270 words.  I was trying to be clever.)  We just developed our film from Christmas, Keller’s birthday, and our trip to SanDiego.  These are the ones I liked:

Here I am on the beach, doing what Mommies do.  Tae was sick, Canon was cold, and I was the security blanket.

Taesya waiting for the Shamu Show, which the kids all really enjoyed.  They still talk about whales like an expert would.

Is there any question why I love Ben so much?  He brings joy to my life—makes me realize that it’s ok if people are looking at us like we’re weird.

Canon was glued to my younger brother, Cody, for our entire Cali trip.  (Since Cody is the epitome of cool.)  I actually started going through Canon withdrawals by the time we got back; I had to hug him a lot.

Keller ate sand.  He’d eat a handful, gag, forget how yucky it was, and then do it again.  Made me laugh.

This is Keller on his 1^st birthday.  He’s so sleepy and adorable.  He’s walking now, by the way, and he can stand up from a sitting position.  Oh, he’s growing up too fast.

Just another picture of my sweet little boy.

Super Canon!

All of my kids are sick right now, so it’s nice to post some photos of happy times.  I’m not one of those moms who will claim to “love every minute of it”; there are good times and times that I despise.  While kids are sick, for instance, I love to hold them and help them to feel more comfortable.  According to the doctor, I should have my healthy, loud, and active children back soon enough.