Help! (Blogger users)

I have had the most frusterating time with posting pictures on this blog.  Whenever I try to upload a portrait, rather than a landscape, type picture, blogger turns it on it's side.  Actually I don't know if it's Blogger or my Mac or what...

But the point is that it sucks and I need help somehow.  Anyone have any ideas, or know someone who might.  Ben's got no new ideas.  Meanwhile, here is Canon's new hat, sideways:

"Because I'm growing and so are You"

My son, Canon is growing up so fast lately.  We weaned him off his binky in April (using the binky fairy technique, which has a 2 for 2 success rate in our home.)  Soon afterward he stopped needing his puppy or blanket to sleep.  And last night when I offered him his blanket, he said that it was too small for him now.  A piece of me is sad that my little boy no longer carries around his puppy, but it's probably a necessary step.  He can't very well bring his puppy to his college classes, can he.

He's speaking so well, too.  He can communicate what he wants, what injustice Taesya has committed, and how he is feeling.  

And the newest "big boy" step is just beginning today.  We're starting the process of Potty Training.  We went to Target last night and bought Canon some underpants, which he is so excited about.  He picked Cars, Diego, and Ironman ones.  He has a chart to work his way towards a new baseball hat.  After sitting on the toilet about 15 times since last night, he's gone pee pee a total of one time.  (And twice in his underwear.)  We're going to stick with diapers at night, but strictly underpants all day long.  So obviously, we're going to be sticking around the house this week as much as possible.  (I remember when we were training Tae, she made a rather large yellow puddle in Bowman's grocery store.)

But he's excited to be growing up and I'm excited for him.  Canon is such a sweet and loving boy.  And I hope through all this I can teach him to be proud of himself and his accomplishments.  I love my kids.  :)

(The title is from a Barney song)

Umm... Yuck.

Found: Unidentified blob of something

Location: On top of the toy cupboard

Description:  Gooey but hardened around the edges.  Roundish and there are teeth marks around the outside... Almost like when bread gets stuck on the roof of your...

Results of Investigation:  Yeah, gotta be from the top of a child mouth.  Looks kindof odd though - specks in it - Oh, and we had banana bread a few hours ago - there you have it!  Should I leave it there?  I don't want to touch it...

The joys of being a mother.  And I would just like to add: Yuck yucky yuck.

Notes:

1.  Stake Conference is so so so difficult with small children.  What an exhausting test of strength and patience; and what a relief when it is over.

2.  Jell-O smells so good.  I'm thinking of making a blue and red jell-o perfume.  MMmmm.

3.  Taesya is four years old and when she is asleep, she is a very heavy 36 lbs of dead weight.  Oof, I carried her out of the car tonight and thoroughly appreciated Ben's muscles.  

4.  Ben is going camping for four days and I am nerrrvous.  So any emails, call, comments, visits from Wednesday to Saturday would be cherished and appreciated.  Comments such as, "Keep breathing, the end is near," or, "Just think of your rewards in heaven..."  That sort of thing; thanks.  

Caught

My daughter's getting smart. If she wants to play on the computer, I make her do her "chores" first. (get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth, make bed.) Today she points out, "You haven't done YOUR chores yet, Mom." And she does have a very good point there...

Passing through Sorrow

At the end of day, I'm feeling hopeful. This is a big change for me. I don't want to make a big deal out of posting this; but I think that not saying anything only adds to the many misconceptions that exist. People don't talk about depression, it's like some big secret.  And that's silly.  Since Keller was born, I've been struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. It's a really crummy thing to go through, but I'm doing my darndest to make things better again.

I'm asking for the help I need.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. It's sometimes hard to accept help, so it's important to remember that there is a time and a season for all things; there will be times when you can help and other times that you need the helping. I am so glad for all the help I receive every day.  

I'm learning that change takes time. Depression is not something I want to struggle with, and if it was up to me, I'd be "normal" again by now. But I've made tons of progress and I can see how far I've come.

On that note, it's important to give yourself credit for the good things you do. It's really impossible to be happy when your head is full of negative thoughts.  I've been learning that I am a good mother and a great individual; I accomplish a lot, and I should be proud of myself.

There's more to say, but I don't want to make this a soap box. This is just something I'm going through and to post every day without mentioning it seems like a lie.  Depression is tough, and I don't think that anyone would ever choose to suffer this way. Everybody gets a different set of tests and trials in this life; this is one of mine.  Ben and the kids are the reason I'm working so hard to get better. I love them more than anything.  

I truly believe that I will be a stronger person at the end of this. Slowly but surely.  Like I said, I'm feeling hopeful. And that's a pretty sweet way to feel.

Cute

Canon wants a band aid to put on his "spaquito bite."