Life in the fast lane

It’s funny how fast life gets going the longer you’re alive. I wonder if life slows down the closer you get to the end when you want it to go fast.

With work, helping take care of the family, being a good Blazer leader, and trying to squeeze some fun stuff in the middle, life can be hard. But all of that seems fairly simple compared to keeping Taesya and Canon happy all day. Sometimes I come home and I wonder how Amber survives all the whining, crying, running, screaming, laughing, coughing, and every other exausting thing that the kids do all day. So when I come home at 5pm, see that she’s still standing and think ‘This is a strong woman.’

It makes me want to work harder at work to feel like I’m pulling my fair share of the yoke. Sometimes I feel like I do and other times I wonder. All I know is that I really appreciate Amber because I could not handle all that she does.

Strong Emotions

In theater we did an exercise where we were told to choose a strong emotion to use in a monologue. Mad and sad were obviously options, but our teacher also listed extreme happiness. I never categorized happiness as a strong emotion, so obviously I didn’t pick it for my monologue. I have since learned better.

Relationships, really passionate relationships, such as husband-wife or mother-child, are tied so strongly to your emotions. All of them. It’s amazing to me how I can be so angry at Ben and then suddenly burst into tears, becoming not offensive but defensive. Or when Ben tickles me I always end up mad. Also, my children are very frusterating, to the point that I almost lock myself in the bathroom. I get more and more mad, about to scream, but the next button they push makes me laugh and laugh. It’s so odd to me.

Those strong emotions are so closely tied to one another. I can shift from one to the next without any logical trigger, whatsoever! At the end of this day, I’m smiling at the utter chaos. And how in the world does Ben fall asleep that fast? (In the time it took me to write this post, at 8:00pm… Life!)

Eternal Perspective

My job is to be at home. On the surface, my life is way boring. Because I repeat the same tasks every day, every week, every month. To the world, I’m not doing a whole lot; I’m going nowhere.

Looking at it eternally, though: When Taesya and Canon wake up, Mom is there with a kiss and a hug. Achievements, ouchies, games, “Big big World,” all these are better when Mom is there, too. Canon and Taesya think I’m the funniest, most capable person they know; their love is the closest I get to heaven all day long.

It’s crazy that even in my ward callings, I almost never look at things “through the lense of eternity.” (Pres. Faust) I always focus on what I want, or what will look good to others. Boy, I sound shallow. But if I’m honest with myself, I realize that I need to adjust my viewpoint. I need a greater Eternal Perspective.

Tonight: I have done my best to nurture, protect, and love my two babies. I have cleaned, kept, and tried my best to fill my home with the Spirit. We worked toward some goals, spent time with extended family… See? Don’t our smallest days seem so much meatier that way? My goal this week is to shift my focus heavenward; my efforts really do mean something.