Bad things happen

Never thought it would happen to me, but it did. We had a miscarriage. We’re not pregnant anymore. People say it will take time to feel better, we’re doing the best we can. Life is really not what you expect sometimes.

2007 - Christmas Letter

Happy Holidays to all our Family and Friends! It seems like we haven’t seen some of you for a long time, but we hope that one by one, we can get a hold of each of you in some way in 2008. We love you so!It was a big year for our son, Canon. Well, it was his first year to be exact, he turned one in October; he grew from an unhappy newborn to a silly little boy this year. Sitting, then crawling, then walking – he’s achieved remarkable goals. Canon loves balls, dogs, and eating all the time. Another of Canon’s favorites is his sister Taesya.Taesya went to a castle with a star on the top. Canon was there because he was a prince. And it was so be-utiful there. At least that’s what Taesya says; she loves to imagine life as a princess and to talk of pretty things. She is such a dramatic little 2 year old, who grew a lot this year. She grew in height, imagination, and vocabulary. She would like to wish each of you a “Holly, Jolly Christmas!”I (Amber) had a memorable year, checking things off my todo list from years ago. I danced and sang in a musical for the first time since high school. I ran in my very first 5K alongside my friend Nicki Preece. These are things I thought might never happen, and they made me feel like Amber again. I also had a great semester at Weber State this fall. I want to thank those who supported me this year; I had a ton of help. Most of all from Ben.Benjamin has gone to work every morning and come home every night. I can’t thank him enough for providing for us, and for being such a present and loving father. We had a great vacation with Ben this year. He took a long break from work and we spent time together as a family. We visited the Discovery Gateway one day, which was a lot of fun. We went on walks, saw a movie, shopped together, mostly we just did whatever we felt like. It was a great vacation.We’re enjoying our young little family and all the experiences that come with it. Merry Christmas and we hope you have a wonderful 2008! We love you all.Ben, Amber, Taesya, and Canon Peck

Christmas Cards and Writing Blogs

I’m really glad we have this blog. It helps us to sit down and write out things that are happening in our lives. I just need to do it more often. Amber is much better at these types of things.

I was thinking today about our family Christmas card and if we should be making a bigger deal out of it or not. Currently we send a card to just our families. Should start making a card mailing list that we send out card to friends and family? Should I start trying to make them look fancier or do we just keep doing it the way we’ve always done it? I think we’ll just keep doing it the way we’ve always done it.

P.S. I heard a really funny Real Men of Genius the other day about this Christmas card thing on 107.9 the mix. Listen to the mix and maybe they’ll play it again.

Update

o… Canon is walking. That’s exciting! He’ll go on the record as a 12 month old walker. The important part is that he is happy. Now he can chase down Taesya and get back the toys she stole from him. We believe in equal rights around here.

Also, we’re pregnant. Well, specifically, I (Amber) am pregnant. This is quite new information, actually, since we only just found out a few days ago. So, yippadee doo for us! No, seriously, we’re very glad and we know this new-comer will fit in just fine.

Over and out.

Dilemma

Please help, anyone who reads this blog. We need a new name. Anything with “peck” in it will do. But we need to change our blog site and title, fast. Any suggestions will be considered; be creative.

Happy Birthday Boyd/Dad/Grandpa

Didn’t want to post on your birthday without giving you a shout-out. So, happy bday, dad, we love ya!

Birthday and "You Can’t Stop the Beat"

Thank you thank you to everyone who thought of me on my birthday. I got calls from friends, visits from family, and all three of my BYU siblings remembered me! Not to mention that Taesya only opened one of presents, and let me open the rest; what a sweetie! Thanks to Ben, the kids, and everyone else who called or came by!

What did we do that day? Hmm, Ben took the kids away for a while, so I could rest. We ate yummy cake and I did not have to cook. I opened gifts and cards. We went to see HAIRSPRAY, which had Ben almost crying! So Funny! I was so disappointed when it was over. But I had a great day!

I can’t close this entry without mentioning that Davis Cup is going on a few blocks from my house. (That is a marching band competition, by the way.) My windows are open so I can pretend I’m there. It’s tough to put my finger on the appeal of marching band. It’s cold, often rainy, tiring, takes up a ton of time… But I think the good part is the thrill of the performance! To be part of a team, winning and losing together! That’s what I’m listening for right now, the way I used to feel on that field. Imagine two hundred teenagers, all in brown and gold uniforms, standing at attention, instruments pointed to the judges box up top. The stadium lights are reflected in the horns, the sky is black, and it’s lightly drizzling. The drum captain taps out the beat and the band yells “D-H-S.” Oh, I miss it so.

It’s good, though, to love and enjoy things, while they last. But it will always be a part of me, the way the chilly air and my anticipation combined into one. Mmmm, I love it. Go DHS.

Date Ideas - I’m starting a collection

Playing Tennis (or whatever sport you enjoy)

Attending a Gallery Stroll (SLC Gallery Strolls are held every 3rd Friday of the Month)

Grocery Shopping Together

Playing Scrabble (or whatever game you enjoy)

I know its cliche but it’s amazing how fast kids grow up. It might be that I’m not at home as much as I was with Tae but Canon is growing so much faster than she did. He’s bigger than her for sure.

I love going home and kissing Amber and the kids and just having a little time to play with them before they go to bed. It would be nice if I could be home more and see them more often but for some reason the world doesn’t work that way. I look forward to vacation time when I can spend all day with my family and just enjoy their company.

I’ve come the realization this past couple weeks that I haven’t been the best husband or father. I’m thinking too much about work and not enough about them. I have this enormous list over my head of all the things that I haven’t done or aren’t doing that I know I should be doing. A lot of them are things I think of but then just ignore and think if I work harder (for money) life will be better and some of those things will just disappear off my list. I know I really can’t be home much more than I already am. It’s not like I work til midnight at the office or anything. It’s more mentally. I need to think of them more. I need to write on this blog more of all the wonderful things about having a beautiful wife, and pretty little chillins. So that’s what I’m working on, thinking of my family more and what I can do for them beside making the money. There you have it, I’m becoming a new man.

Taesya and Canon

19 months separate Canon and Taesya. People say that’s really close, which is true. But I am so glad they’re close, because that’s what they’ve become - Close. They are the best of friends.

Ben and Tae are camping right now, so Can and I are on our own. I can tell he’s as lonely as I am, since both of our best friends are gone. He looks around for something that’s missing, but can’t really put into words what he’s looking for. ‘Where’s Tae Tae?’ he’s thinking.

Their relationship is rocky at times, I have to say. But to Taesya, nothing is funny without Canon, no toy is neat, unless Canon wants it, too. Together, dancing is better, eating is yummier, running is more exciting - Canon and Taesya love being a team. I feel like the luckiest mom in the world, seeing them talk and sing, just the two of them.

Tae, be nice to your little brother, k? He really thinks you’re great. And someday you’ll really want a brother to talk to. Can-O, don’t bug Taesya too much, give her some space every now and then. But you can still try to be like her, cuz she’s a really good kid.

I’m in a Musical

It IS possible to develop talents and work on hobbies while married, and even with children. Who knew?!? Well, I am in a musical. It’s been 4 years since my last one, and I’m still “ensemble” material, but I am having a great time! Standing on that DHS Auditorium Stage makes me feel like Amber again. I never really lost who I am, I just added a few things to my life resume, namely “Wife to Benjamin Peck, Mother to Canon and Taesya.”

So I can still dance, sing, be confident and fun. To me that is a news flash. Anyone who wants to see the new/old me: DHS Auditorium June 30-July 6.

ps. I owe this excitement to my parents, who invited us to live in Kaysville. Also my Ben, who encouraged me to audition. Thank you.

The Bain/Bane (how do you spell that?) of my existence

Today I just wanted to buy 4 songs on ITunes. Seems simple, quick. But dial-up internet is threatening to suck all the happiness and life from my day. A dialog box proclaims, for hours on end, “Accessing ITunes Store.” I feel like strangling the computer; so I disconnect the internet and as I do, my song pops up! Like my mac is saying, “You should have waited one more minute.” It reels me back in, I connect again, and twelve years later I still can’t access my Gym Class Heroes song. Dial-up Internet is the most frusterating, agravating thing in my life. But please excuse me while I check on my downloads.

Life in the fast lane

It’s funny how fast life gets going the longer you’re alive. I wonder if life slows down the closer you get to the end when you want it to go fast.

With work, helping take care of the family, being a good Blazer leader, and trying to squeeze some fun stuff in the middle, life can be hard. But all of that seems fairly simple compared to keeping Taesya and Canon happy all day. Sometimes I come home and I wonder how Amber survives all the whining, crying, running, screaming, laughing, coughing, and every other exausting thing that the kids do all day. So when I come home at 5pm, see that she’s still standing and think ‘This is a strong woman.’

It makes me want to work harder at work to feel like I’m pulling my fair share of the yoke. Sometimes I feel like I do and other times I wonder. All I know is that I really appreciate Amber because I could not handle all that she does.

Strong Emotions

In theater we did an exercise where we were told to choose a strong emotion to use in a monologue. Mad and sad were obviously options, but our teacher also listed extreme happiness. I never categorized happiness as a strong emotion, so obviously I didn’t pick it for my monologue. I have since learned better.

Relationships, really passionate relationships, such as husband-wife or mother-child, are tied so strongly to your emotions. All of them. It’s amazing to me how I can be so angry at Ben and then suddenly burst into tears, becoming not offensive but defensive. Or when Ben tickles me I always end up mad. Also, my children are very frusterating, to the point that I almost lock myself in the bathroom. I get more and more mad, about to scream, but the next button they push makes me laugh and laugh. It’s so odd to me.

Those strong emotions are so closely tied to one another. I can shift from one to the next without any logical trigger, whatsoever! At the end of this day, I’m smiling at the utter chaos. And how in the world does Ben fall asleep that fast? (In the time it took me to write this post, at 8:00pm… Life!)

Eternal Perspective

My job is to be at home. On the surface, my life is way boring. Because I repeat the same tasks every day, every week, every month. To the world, I’m not doing a whole lot; I’m going nowhere.

Looking at it eternally, though: When Taesya and Canon wake up, Mom is there with a kiss and a hug. Achievements, ouchies, games, “Big big World,” all these are better when Mom is there, too. Canon and Taesya think I’m the funniest, most capable person they know; their love is the closest I get to heaven all day long.

It’s crazy that even in my ward callings, I almost never look at things “through the lense of eternity.” (Pres. Faust) I always focus on what I want, or what will look good to others. Boy, I sound shallow. But if I’m honest with myself, I realize that I need to adjust my viewpoint. I need a greater Eternal Perspective.

Tonight: I have done my best to nurture, protect, and love my two babies. I have cleaned, kept, and tried my best to fill my home with the Spirit. We worked toward some goals, spent time with extended family… See? Don’t our smallest days seem so much meatier that way? My goal this week is to shift my focus heavenward; my efforts really do mean something.