Tender mercies

Tonight I wanted to do a little scrapbooking of Jovie's ultrasound photos.  Ben and I watched an episode of Chuck on hulu while I worked.  I did ok for a little while, but then my back felt the all-too-familiar pain of sitting in a chair.  Lately it seems that I can't sit, stand, or walk without pain and discomfort of many kinds.

It frustrated me that I am capable of so little, physically, right now.  I can't bend down to take good photos of my kids, I can't walk around Target and enjoy shopping, I can't sit in a chair without crying inwardly about the ache in my back.  It's really hard for me that I can't do these things; I miss having a body that is functional in the ways that I am used to.

I'm down to one pair of pajama pants that still fit me.  The second to last pair ripped right down the middle, which always makes you feel super attractive and good about yourself.  So my only remaining pair is in the wash with muddy dog prints on it/them (not sure.)

So I was sitting on the couch, crying about my physical limits, and wishing I had pajamas to wear.  A thought popped into my head to try on some of Ben's.  He has this one pair of pj pants that someone gave him for Christmas years and years ago, a bajillion sizes too big, but we never got rid of --- I pulled them out and as I put them on you could almost hear the angels singing.  I have a brand new pair of flannel pajama pants to wear tonight and the phrase that comes to mind is "tender mercies."

I'm reminded that although my body is not excelling in a lot of areas, it is doing something amazing right now.  It is a functional and good body.  While I feel this pain and ache and exhaustion, a tiny new body is being formed.  I guess that I'm giving up my ability to walk in comfort so that Jovie can have the ability to run someday.  My body is doing great.  I'm grateful for what it can do.

Heavenly Father is mindful of us.  He cares about our lives and even small things like whether or not we have pajamas to sleep in.  I feel super blessed tonight.